Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Tattoos, Trends, and Taking Risks (Never posted, but written on 11/16/11)

I really have nothing against tattoos. I have something against stupid tattoos. There is a guy with a tattoo of a monkey on his stomach and his bellybutton is the monkey's butt-hole. There is a guy that goes to my school that has a tattoo of lipsticked lips on his neck. I can't help but wonder if anyone has kissed him right on those lips just cause it is funny. I sure wouldn't, and I really feel gross thinking about it. Anyway, the other day Elizabeth and I were looking at an album of people's Twilight tattoos. They were awful. A distorted picture of Robert Pattinson's face permanently on my calf? No thank you. We were talking about how much people are going to regret their vampire ink and Elizabeth said, "You should never get a tattoo of a trend." That is so true.

As the excessively introspective person that I am, I started to think about how I apply the same rule to clothes sometimes. I do not want to wear something too trendy or I will look back on pictures and regret my outfit choice. My mom hates her wedding pictures because she had big hair and even bigger sleeves. She hates it now, but it was fashionable then! (I think...) Either way, whatever we are wearing now is going to look outdated someday. There is no avoiding the inevitable outfit regret. In fact, I think it is probably more satisfying to take some risks and look awesome now even if you might regret it later. Yeah, maybe we will look back on our obsession with braids and think, "What the heck was I thinking?" But you can't avoid regrets, so just look awesome now.

As the excessively introspective person that I am, I started to think about how I apply the same rule to making decisions in life. I don't want to look back in 10 years and have regrets. Of course, there is some value to that mindset. For example, I know that ditching studying might affect my grades which might affect my ability to get into graduate school. I will look back and wonder, "Why did going to see a movie seem more important than studying?" However, there is no guarantee that 10 years from now will come. Worrying about it now will just make now lame, and then in 10 years I will be worrying about 10 years from then.

So, get stupid tattoos. Wear crazy outfits. Don't worry about tomorrow. Actually don't get stupid tattoos.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

One of Those Days

"And everyone keeps saying,
"Nothing helps but time"
Time is all I own

And time won't stop replaying
Over in my mind
I watch the hours slow down

So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away, I know I can't take it
'Cause I see now, it's just one of those days"

Friday, October 21, 2011

This evening I went to the lip sync competition on Duck Pond field. RUF was awesome. Just sayin. However I witnessed something sad while I was there! We sat next to a group of people who were sneakily drinking (well, some of them.) It was a few girls and a few guys who seemed to be dating each other. One guy had a leg deformity and he walked with crutches, but he wasn't scrawny or anything. He was sitting in this girls lap so I assumed that they were dating. They just acted like it. However, when I looked closer, the guy next to this girl was kinda leaning all in her space and putting his arm sneakily near her butt behind her back. She had both men that player. haha I think that guy had a girl sitting in his lap too. These people are confused...

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Me me me me me me me

I have not blogged in a while! So, I apologize to my loyal multitude of avid followers. I have a few things on my mind right now to share with you:

1. I am going to Africa this summer and my heart is overjoyed. I have never been out of the country, and my entire summer will revolve around this week and a half trip. I really want the right attitude as I go to serve the people of Gabon. Short term trips get a lot of crap, but I think God can work through whatever he wants. I have a fear/excitement of God calling me into full time missions. Just throwing that out there.

2. I think I am a complainer. I have a billion first world problems. Just a preview of the ridiculousness:

  • I HATE buffering. Hate it. So frustrating.
  • Now that I have bangs I can't shower at night or my bangs stick out. (Darn 50$ hair cut!)
  • After lunch every day I am super full and tired and I just want to sleep.
  • I don't like studying.
  • The internet is a huge distraction.
  • I hate unpacking, and I still haven't unpacked from Fall Break.
  • Sometimes I have a hard time falling asleep cause the light from the street lights seeps through my blinds.
I am embarrassed at how fast those all came to my mind! I am sure that is not even all! Just an honest observation of myself. I should be great at those because I realized that I think about myself all the time. It is just sickening.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

This weekend I went on a retreat and it was exactly what I needed. Sometimes all I need to do is think and process what is going on it my life and what God wants me to do. This weekend all I did was talk and think about that. I had no homework and no obligations. There is something relieving about being able to talk about everything that is going on in your life with people and realizing that they feel the same way. I also love hearing other people's stories about how God worked in their life. It reminds me that, although I need to seek His will, if I screw up He has full power to pull me back (however forcefully) into His will. Blah blah I could write everything that I learned, processed, and talked about, but my mind is now shot. It needed to happen, but I do not feel like analyzing anything! So I am going to take a nap, and I am going to give all my worries, cares, and stresses to God :)

Monday, September 19, 2011

All my life I have been afraid of people with disabilities. Now I am learning about them, and some day I hope that I will be able to help them. I'm happy. :)

Friday, September 9, 2011

Don't Worry, I'm Not Getting Married...

I have been planning my wedding since I was in elementary school. I love looking at wedding blogs and seeing all the precious and creative ways people do their weddings. I am not planning on getting married anytime soon. I repeat, I am not planning on getting married anytime soon. I just like weddings so chill. These are pretty wedding things that I like.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

How can I do nothing?

I have been looking for articles to share in my public speaking class and somehow I got to a website called Reject Apathy. I read the stories of these people who lack hope and help. When I read things like this I am always convicted. After a while that conviction is replaced by my daily routine and thoughts about the next quiz I have, and what I am going to wear to dinner tonight. There is no doubt that this is unacceptable. God, show me how to do something. Make me do something.

Sunday, August 21, 2011


I spilled nail polish remover in my laptop keyboard and now it wont type. I have to call HP but my cell phone service sucks and my phone is dying. There is toothpaste all in my backpack.

Update: I called HP and right when the guys said, "Ok here is what you can do..." my phone died and there is nowhere in my dorm with service that my charging cord can reach.

Friday, August 19, 2011


Yep, I am pretty sure I need bangs again. Without bangs I look like a man.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011


‎"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” - Anatole France

This quote was on Criminal Minds and I love that show. I have a complete love/hate relationship with change. I was ready for college because I was tired of Raleigh and all its sameness. I wanted a clean slate, somewhere to move in and redecorate, and new scenery, but when I was there all I wanted was my sameness back. I think that is the part of my old life dying. I mean, there are people and places that I will never forget and they will always be a part of my life, but they will never play the same part in my life. A part of myself is left behind and it must have been a big part because I miss it. Now it is time for me to die to my old life. Not my best friends and not Raleigh, but to the parts they used to play in my life. 

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare

Saturday, May 21, 2011

The World's End

Wouldn't it be great if it was judgment day today? Sometimes I am so ready to be free from all this confusion and sadness. I want God to once and for all rip me away from all of the stupid things I hold on to. I know I can be free from those things on earth, but I always turn back. I want to be chained to God forever so I can't run away in pursuit of stupid things. The blood of Christ has atoned for my sins. Woohoo!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Worry and Striving

When things happen to me I want to stop trying to fix them and ask myself, how is God using this to make me more like him. I mean, sometimes things suck, but really in the end everything is going to be alright. Worrying and striving is pointless. It doesn't change anything except out attitudes, and it doesn't change them in a good way.

I am a pretty trusting person by nature. From when I was tiny I believed that Jesus was my Savior. I know that is true. However, I struggle so much to try to make my life perfect and worry free that I worry myself to death. (Not literally, yet.) If I know that everything is going to be alright, that God has my days numbered, that worrying is pointless, then why do I do it?

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


I am trying to understand what back button focus is on my camera and I am so confused.. cameras are so complicated!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Last Night

Last night, around 3am, some upstanding individuals got drunk and decided to set of fireworks right behind our dorm. It scared the crumcake out of me. I woke up and looked out the window just in time to hear everyone yell, "Shut the eff up!" out of their windows. I quietly said, "Yeah! Be quiet!" I am pretty sure they yelled back, "No you shut the eff up!"

That is my story. The end!

PS. This is the censored version.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

My birthday present to myself: do work like nobodies business, ace all my classes, and get to summer. This is a hard gift...

My birthday present to everyone else: try to not think about myself. I am a prideful human being.

I misssssss this!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Happy Things

Sometimes I just like to make a list of happy things. It makes me happy. So...
  • 15 more classes, 2.5 weeks, 11 days
  • Easter
  • My family (minus padre.. sad) is coming to visit me!
  • Lovely weather
  • I made a cake with Shannon.
  • The Jane Eyre movie (only half happy because I have to wait for it to come somewhere near me..)
  • My 19th birthday!
  • The few weeks of rest I get after school.
  • 5/6 weeks until camp!
  • Nice dorm next year.

Apparently I enjoy putting unattractive pictures of myself on my blog, but really Lauren is the star of this one anyway ;)

Monday, April 11, 2011


All I want to do is bad things. Only good things make me happy. Bad things make me sad. Good things make me happy, but they are really hard to do. This is why I am currently blogging, Facebook stalking, reading articles, and eating cookies instead of studying...

My two choices are to:
1. Keep eating cookies, get fat, and fail my test.
2. Stop eating cookies, study, and get an A on my test.

Why then, am I doing the cookie eating one?

(As a side note, this is a very scary picture, aren't I beautiful?)

Monday, March 28, 2011

Homework is Dumb Sometimes

I have to write a 3 page paper on this piece of metal:
Let me know if you want the final copy. It is going to be a thriller. I think I am going to get it published.
Sometimes you have to take classes that do not help you at all. (example: Archaeology)
Sometimes teachers assign dumb projects. (Example: Find something on the ground that you don't what know what it is and write three pages on it.)

Monday, March 21, 2011

to expand on my last post

I have been realizing how self centered I am in my relationship with God. When I read the Bible I am constantly trying to figure out what I can get out of it today. While God does want us to get something out of the Bible, I think that He is more focused on what we learn about Him than how we change ourselves. At RUF this week Matt preached on doubt. I am not a person who struggles with doubting God's existence, but I am constantly doubting that He will love me no matter what and that He will work everything out. I have a mentality that I have to fix my life and then come to Him. I also create huge amounts of stress for myself by trying to manipulate my life so that everything will work together correctly. Who do I think I am? Last night at College Connection the guy who was speaking said that he coined the phrase, "The messier, the gracier!" I love that. I know that God still calls us to persevere and follow Him, but I suck at persevering. It is so comforting to know that all He asks of us is to try and when we fail He is always there to welcome us back, scold us, and forgive us.

(By the way, the other night I really wanted a hug from Jesus cause I realized that He probably gives THE best hugs. Ever.)

Thursday, March 17, 2011


The fact that I can never do anything crappy enough for God to stop loving me makes me very joyful!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

remembering and waiting

I do a whole lot of remembering and waiting. I love to daydream about lovely memories. You know how sometimes there is a time of your life when everything is going right and you have such a sense of purpose and happiness? Well I love thinking about them. I love talking about them. It also makes me miss them, and I just want to relive those moments.

I also love to think about the future. I can't travel backwards, but I can travel forwards and there are bound to be more top of the world times in my future. I love thinking about the next exciting thing, the next break, the next year, being married, and having kids. I'm telling you, it's addictive. Today I even thought about what I want to do when I am an old lady!

I just wonder if I am missing out on now. When I look back to now will I wish that I could travel back? When I am living as if I have to get through these few days/ weeks/ or years until I'm happy can I ever be really happy? And how do I get myself to appreciate the happiness of now? These are the things I wonder.

Sunday, March 13, 2011


I feel so weak right now. I am going back to Boone in an hour, but I feel like I need another break. This break has simply tired me out. I'm exhausted.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

my very first favorite song

When I was 5 this was my favorite song.

Clumsy - Chris Rice

You think I’d have it down by now
Been practicin’ for thirty years
I should have walked a thousand miles
So what am I still doin’ here
Reachin’ out for that same old piece of forbidden fruit
I slip and fall and I knock my halo loose
Somebody tell me what’s a boy supposed to do?

I get so clumsy
I get so foolish
I get so stupid
And then I feel so useless
But You’re sayin’ You love me
And You’re still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me
‘Cause You’re makin’ me holy
You’re still makin’ me holy, yeah

I’m gonna get it right this time
I’ll be strong and I’ll make You proud
I’ve prayed that prayer a thousand times
But the rooster crows and my tears roll down (again)
Then You remind me You made me from the dust
And I can never, no never, be good enough
And that You’re not gonna let that come between us

I get so clumsy
I get so foolish
I get so stupid
And then I feel so useless
But You’re sayin’ You love me
And You’re still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me
‘Cause You’re makin’ me holy
You’re still makin’ me holy, yeah

From where I stand
Your holiness is up so high I can never reach it
My only hope is to fall on Jesus

I get so clumsy
I get so foolish
I get so stupid
And then I feel so useless
But You’re sayin’ You love me
And You’re still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me
‘Cause You’re makin’ me holy
You’re still makin’ me holy, yeah

Monday, February 28, 2011

It is possible that I am becoming a nerd or something.

First things first: that paper that I thought was due last Wednesday, that was actually due this Wednesday is now due in two Wednesdays! Hooray! Also I am very excited about spring break. Thursday come quickly! But right now I like this thunderstorm.

Also the lame thing that I did was make a tumblr account. The only thing lamer is that I only have one follower and it is Lauren. My tumblr is impacting the world let me tell you!


Tuesday, February 22, 2011


This was quite a glorious day... one of the first things that happened when I woke up was that I realized that the paper that I thought was due on this Wednesday is ACTUALLY due next Wednesday! Then I went to lunch with Courtney Seigler and just got to walk around campus on this beautiful springy day. After that I got a chance to work on, and nearly finish, a project that I have been having a very hard time with. I was much encouraged. Another bright spot was that a girl emailed me a completed study guide to a test tomorrow morning that I didn't start studying for until about 9:30. Then I learned that if I make a 65 on this test and an 85 on all my other tests I can still get a B. This might not have been the best thing for me to learn actually.. but it is ok! I just have that feeling that everything is going to be okkkkk :)

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Good Things

  • I got a new camera
  • The weather has been lovely
  • I made a grooveshark playlist that I love
  • Spring break is in a few weeks
  • My housing situation is completely settled for next year
  • My communication disorders test got a 12 point curve
  • Summer is getting closer every day..

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The Things you Learn

Today I had a very thought provoking anthropology class. We watched a documentary that my professor told us would change our lives. It really didn't change my life, but it did give me some interesting things to think about.

It was a documentary made in 1965 that followed a few days in the life of two Indigenous Australian families. The first thing you should know is that these families wore one piece of clothing: a belt. So I saw a lot of these people.. if you know what I mean. They were also very strangely shaped. They all had distended stomachs from malnutrition, and were oddly shaped in other ways.. if you know what I mean, again. After I got over the shock of these naked aborigines they started eating weird things. A little boy cooked a lizard by putting it in the fire and then just eating the entire thing. Skin and all. Later in the film I learned that these people spend most of their spare time chasing down these lizards, catching them, and whacking them on the ground three times to kill them. Then they would stick them in their belt and walk along with that dead creature flapping all around. It was pretty gross. They ate about 20 lizards in the 50 minute film. Even the four year olds were extremely talented lizard catchers. It was actually a pretty interesting film. These people acted like you would think cavemen would act, and their lives were completely focused on survival.

The first thing that struck me about this film is that these people are naked and unashamed. On first thought it makes sense because that is just the norm of their tribe. However, I thought that us being ashamed at our nakedness was a product of the fall. I started wondering how these people thought. They seemed like naked, lizard catching machines, but they must have had the same thoughts and feelings as we do. It was just an interesting thought..

After the documentary my professor said something very interesting. He said in a sarcastic voice, "So what do you think guys? Should we send missionaries and go Christianize these people?" Everyone in my class kind of laughed and said, "No!" as if this was the obvious answer to his question. His response was, "Well sadly most of these people already have been. You can't stop it. It's like a disease!" Everyone laughed.

First of all, his idea of send missionaries and Christianize was  for Americans to go force all of these people to conform to normal social standards. This is obviously not what God has called us to do. However, as I mentioned before, if public nakedness is a sin, then sharing the love of Christ with these people might cause them to do things like.. wear clothes. All I know is that his idea of Christianize is very distorted, and I was shocked to hear that most of the people in my class also have distorted and negative views of missionaries. I have no idea whether the missionaries to the Indigenous Australians really shared Christ's love and forgiveness with these people or not, so maybe my professor was right. People like these aborigines do not need to be forced into social norms and "Christianized", but they need forgiveness and love the same as we do. Christ is the only one that offers what we need and I would like to think that is why, "You can't stop it. It's like a disease!"

Monday, February 7, 2011


My brain has two parts to it: The rational part and the irrational part. Right now my brain is listening to the irrational part, and it is making me excited and hopeful for something that is not going to happen. I made up in my brain that is was going to happen because I really want it to happen. Shut up irrational part!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011


I am sitting near to two girls. One if them is complaining and complaining about her life. I am being reminded of just how unattractive complaining is. Lately I realized that I have become a complainer and I am not sure how that happened.. but it is time for me to stop. 

It is my choice whether I look to God and see how minuscule my problems are compared to the joyful life he has prepared for me if I will stop focusing on all the little things that are slightly inconvenient.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Philippians 4:4


Tuesday, February 1, 2011


I want to get a degree in successfully wasting time. I think that it is my calling and passion. I am definitely gifted in  time wasting skills. If you or anyone you know is looking for a tutor that specializes in time wasting please contact me and I would be happy to help. Ok I better go read twitter, look through all the pictures on my computer, shop for cameras online, read pointless news, and not write my paper.. busy day!

Monday, January 31, 2011


I honestly understand where the misconception that there is not absolute truth came to be. Two opposing ideas can both be backed up with examples and a logical train of thought. It is so much easier to be agnostic. That way your beliefs can change without you ever having to be "wrong". Also, it is very confusing to try to figure out the black and white of everything. Our human nature clouds the black and white, so it is easier to think in shades of gray. The good things is that we aren't expected to know everything. Our job is not to always be right. Our job is to seek the truth and realize that it is only found in Jesus.

Right now the right thing for me to do is homework :/

Saturday, January 22, 2011

This is going to be a very honest blog post. I have been struggling lately. I am so overwhelmed with the intense consequences of my actions these days. Let me give my most recent example:

During my senior year I got really excited about college. I was ready for something different and a new start. One big reason that I chose Appalachian was because it was an adventure. I wanted something new. Maybe I was tricking myself or something because it wasn't until about a month before I left that it all hit me. I was sitting in my room and I just started to cry. I realized that going to college meant leaving my family, my home, my friends, and a place where I was very, very happy. I didn't tell anyone about that time. As college came nearer I was still very excited even though I had a hint of sadness. I didn't cry about it again until I got here. When my mom asked me if I was coming home for labor day I told her I didn't want to commit yet because I didn't know what I would be doing. I thought it sounded lame to come home from college, "the best time of your life". The first few weeks/ months of college were truly awful. My dorm is a jail cell, the bathrooms and shower are disgusting, and the stress of being on my own made me take 3 hour naps every day. Also, I was so bored. I didn't have anything to do and I barely knew anyone. I wanted to go home so bad, and I felt guilty for it. I felt like I had let everyone down by not being the flexible, happy, and friendly person I was expected to be. I ended up coming home about once a month. All of these times were for specific reasons, not necessarily huge reasons, but just little things. Honestly I found that there is not much to do on the weekends here unless you party or have a lot of homework. However, by the end of last semester I started actually liking it here. I began to feel like I fit in here and have friends here. I like Boone, but I still couldn't wait for Christmas break. This semester I really feel like I belong here. The first to weeks have already been pretty busy and I have rarely felt bored. Last weekend I came home because I needed my camera. I decided to choose between coming home last weekend and coming home next weekend to help with the lockin, and I chose last weekend because I needed my camera! I already felt slightly guilty because I just got here and then I went home. I feel like coming home is seen as a sign weakness. Then I was asked to work the lockin because they are now in desperate need of girls. I can't say that the only reason I would help is because I am a self sacrificing person who will help in any way possible. I have to admit that I think it will be fun, and honestly I have nothing going on that weekend and I don't feel like I will be missing out on anything here. For example, if it was the weekend of the IV retreat or if I had plans I wouldn't help, but I have nothing to do. What should I do??? Ahhh. College students are supposed to party and not want to go home, so am I a failure?

Friday, January 21, 2011

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

My Countdown

I love second semesters so much. For one thing, now I don't look like an idiot wandering around trying to pretend like I understand where I am going (as often). Also, during the first semester, Christmas is the thing to look forward to. In the second semester summer is the thing to look forward to, and summer always comes so quickly after Christmas! The second semester can get long while you are in it though, and so I have to come up with a way to not sit around wait for summer:

February: boring
March: Spring Break
April: My birthday
May: End of school and camp!!

See! It's not so far away :) I just need to make February exciting..

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

summer :)

I do like Boone. I like Appalachian. I like snow. I even like most of my classes this semester, but what I prefer is this:

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


Time is a very annoying thing to me. When I am at home I don't realize it as much, but in Boone time becomes my life. Sometimes I have too little time and I am scrambling to get places on time without forgetting something important. Sometimes I have too much time and I try to do my every day tasks as slowly as possible. Having too much time seems like a good thing, but it really makes you feel purposeless when you are walking as slow and as far out of your way as possible so that you wont be too early to class. In both cases my mind is stuck on being efficient in the time that I have. I am either trying to figure out the fastest or the slowest ways to do things. I hope some day I will be able to manage my time without thinking about it so very often! I am looking forward to the day when time does not affect me and I have an infinite amount, but I will never be bored! :)

Sunday, January 9, 2011


I am about to head back to Boone. I must admit that I am pretty sad. It's not that I don't like it there, I do miss it a tad, and I am pretty excited about some of my classes this semester. I just want to stay here where things are easier! No school, no claustrophobia, showers that clean me and don't scald me, a car that I can use, Target, no snow, family, and friends that are like family. But, here I go!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

you don't just make up issues in your head.

A feeling is not a fact, but it is there for a reason. Something makes you feel it, and sometimes a feeling is more important than a fact.