I have been realizing how self centered I am in my relationship with God. When I read the Bible I am constantly trying to figure out what I can get out of it today. While God does want us to get something out of the Bible, I think that He is more focused on what we learn about Him than how we change ourselves. At RUF this week Matt preached on doubt. I am not a person who struggles with doubting God's existence, but I am constantly doubting that He will love me no matter what and that He will work everything out. I have a mentality that I have to fix my life and then come to Him. I also create huge amounts of stress for myself by trying to manipulate my life so that everything will work together correctly. Who do I think I am? Last night at College Connection the guy who was speaking said that he coined the phrase, "The messier, the gracier!" I love that. I know that God still calls us to persevere and follow Him, but I suck at persevering. It is so comforting to know that all He asks of us is to try and when we fail He is always there to welcome us back, scold us, and forgive us.
(By the way, the other night I really wanted a hug from Jesus cause I realized that He probably gives THE best hugs. Ever.)