Today I barely did anything and I don't know why. Sometimes I just assume something exciting will come up and then it is 10:30 pm and I am doing sit ups and writing unimportant blog posts to entertain me!

Tomorrow my parents are going to Christopher's wrestling tournament and, let me tell you, those things are LONG. So Amy Grace and I are left alone. I think that I am going to take her to Tangled and then hang out at North Hills to entertain her.. and me.

Oh also I downloaded this free picture editing thing and I edited some pictures.

These would not rotate so just turn your head. It will be good exercise!

Daryl, I tried for a long time to give you brown hair but I failed and gave up :( haha

Classic

I think that Over Thinking by Relient K is a really good song. It resonates with me no matter what is going on in my life.

Cut these glorious bangs all by myself. I have come along way since I chopped off all of my Barbie's bangs and a big hunk of my own!

Things I am not sure about:
- How to handle situations that don't happen the way I expected
- How to let go and let the chips fall where they may
- How to balance being flexible and not being a pushover
- How to not get so frustrated at myself and my failures
- How to grow and recognize my failures but be at peace with who God made me to be
- How to get from Athens Drive to Trinity of Durham
- How to balance my obligations
- How to get from Athens Drive to my house
- Where I fit now, and where I want to fit

Things I am sure about:
- He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion
- That rose is not mine it's Amy Grace's
- I am loved by at least a few people and also the Guy who created me and knows MOST of all what a crappy person I am
- If I do control everything it will end up sucking
- I am an introvert
- I am insecure
- No offence to any or all people, I really do like you, but people do stress me out (this includes the person that is me)
- Bananagrams is a fun game
- I am not good at ERS
- I love Christmas and I need to go Christmas shopping
- I want to go on an adventure. Really.
- This list is getting too random

YAY

This is my cheat sheet that I am very thankful for. I am thankful for so many things right now!

- a wonderful home to go back to
- Christmas
- wonderful family and friends to go back to
- Nice people who turn in my work for me :)
- Lauren May
- Hats, scarves, leggings, wool socks, insulated boots, and winter coats
- Beautiful snow
- Good grades

I post a lot when I am procrastinating

I am so cold, and I have a lot to do. Boy am I looking forward to Christmas break :)

And I am studying in a hat cause our heat is a failure at its one job in life.


:)

Finals

This is a studying strategy I like to call Information Osmosis:

I am Going Crazy

But I have to just post again to say this song is great. Awesome. Fantastic.


Wedding Dress by Derek Webb:

If you could love me as a wife 
and for my wedding gift, your life 
Should that be all I'd ever need 
or is there more I'm looking for 

and should I read between the lines 
and look for blessings in disguise 
To make me handsome, rich, and wise 
Is that really what you want 

I am a whore I do confess 
But I put you on just like a wedding dress 
and I run down the aisle 
and I run down the aisle 
I'm a prodigal with no way home 
but I put you on just like a ring of gold 
and I run down the aisle to you 

So could you love this bastard child 
Though I don't trust you to provide 
With one hand in a pot of gold 
and with the other in your side 

I am so easily satisfied 
by the call of lovers so less wild 
That I would take a little cash 
Over your very flesh and blood 

Because money cannot buy 
a husband's jealous eye 
When you have knowingly deceived his wife 

INCREDIBLE

Two posts in one day? Yes.

Lauren and I did an incredible thing. We woke up at 12:00pm, bundled up, and rode on the appalcart for 1 hour without reaching our destination,Walmart. (Since when can the appalcart not drive in a little snow?) Is that the incredible thing? Of course not! Then we decided to make our day unwasted. We got our backpacks and went to the library on a Saturday evening. We got a study room and we were SUPER productive. I feel much better now!

Another incredible thing is that Lauren didn't die.



                         This is a picture of Lauren and I walking to the library:

well

It is snowing outside. The forecast doesn't show any warmness in my future. As much as I love Christmas and all it's festivities, this whole freezing thing (plus the stress of finals) makes me appreciate how much I LOVE THE SUMMER! :)

Guys..

I discovered something great today. I can dry my hair straight in like 10 minutes. This is good because here is cold, and having wet hair is cold. I thought I was incapable of such a feat... but I am not! Yeahhhh!

Sometimes...

... you have three days to write a 10 page research paper that you have barely researched. Sometimes you are about to have a panic attack. Sometimes you are thankful that it is a rough draft, but sometimes rough drafts still count. Sometimes you just have to try to focus and do your best even when nothing is coming to you to write.

I don't like those times...

BUT Mumford and Sons :)

Can you lie next to her
And give her your heart, your heart
As well as your body
And can you lie next to her
And confess your love, your love
As well as your folly
And can you kneel before the king
And say I'm clean, I'm clean

Chorus:
But tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with all my heart
Oh tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with all my heart

A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage
You did not think when you sent me to the brake, the brake
You desired my attention but denied my affections, my affections

Chorus

Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life 
Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life 

I have so much on my mind. There is so much school I have to do. Mostly a 10 page research paper. Exams are coming up. I am stressed.. BAHHHH! Can I please have a break.

Yes, I am Avoiding Homework.

My word! Why does the solarium have to be so relaxing! I almost fell asleep in a public place... the good thing is that is looked down upon almost everywhere except on a college campus. If you saw someone sleeping in a Starbucks you would think, "Man they are in public they need to wake up!". However, if you saw someone sleeping in a coffee shop onnn campus you would think, "They look comfortable and happy. I wish they did not take that couch cause it is the most comfy sleeping couch." Except the thing is that I actually have notmycouchaphobia which is the scientific term for being afraid that couches are full of nasty things that might get on me.. couches have so many crevices! Therefore I would rather fall asleep in this hard noncrevicey chair with my head on this hard noncrevicey table than a couch that I don't trust.

Another thing I have been meaning to discuss is the temperature of the showers in Coltrane. They are two temperatures: arctic and boiling your skin off. It is quite pleasant. That is all I have to say on the subject. Also I have been pondering the thought of making hair wallpaper for the people that put their hair all over the shower walls. Lets see how they like THAT. Just rinse it down the DRAIN people!

Thanksgiving break
Thanksgiving break
Thanksgiving break
:)

tests are lame

Apparently the cure for Senioritis was not, as previously speculated, to graduate from high school. 

false.

Laundry is fun, laundry is great
I want to do laundry on a date

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 3:13-14


Straining is difficult. Pressing on is hard. Not dwelling on the past is challenging. 


Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. - Deuteronomy 31:6


Good thing we never have to do it alone :) 

Never Grow Up - Taylor Swift

I know that this song is not according to God's plan, and so much incredible stuff wouldn't have happened in my life if I stayed young, but there is a part of me that relates with this song. Sometimes it seems like with each year life becomes exponentially more complicated. Growing up is so hard and I doubt it stops being hard ever. 


Oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you
Wont let no one break your heart
No one will desert you
Just try to never grow up
Never grow up


But my life would be without the happiest moments of my life if I had been content to be a child for the rest of my life.

I do not mean for the post to make it sound like I hate college and am doing terribly and cry every night because that would be a lie. I like it here, I know lots of people, it's pretty, I am doing well in my classes, and occasionally I think: "I am really having a great time!" So with all that said..

I miss:
- Food made by my mom.
- Upward basketball
- Teaching kids
- Having a place to go and just be alone for a littttle while
- Having a place to go where I know everything and everyone
- Storm
- My own bathroom (Knowing that the hair stuck to the walls is either mine or Amy Grace's..)
- Knowing where I am and how to get to things (stupid bamboo road. that's all i have to say.)
- Diet COKE
- Classes taught by awesome people (Aaron, Nissa, Ansley, etc)
- The co clan
- My mom's camera
- Places to shop
- Being able to drive
- And people. I miss people a lot.

hey

this is my 2 liter and i can drink it if i want to :)

worry

I worry about lots of things. My mind is constantly weighing the pros and cons of everything that I do so that I wont mess up or regret doing or not doing something. It is pretty stressful... Part of this is that I am pretty sure I weigh God's and other people's acceptance of me on whether I am doing the right thing. First of all, God sees Jesus when He looks at me which is like, incredible. Cause I suck, but Jesus is AWESOME and PERFECT. Another problem is that I definitely put too much worth in what other people think of me. Don't we all? Everyone's life struggle: defined.

Worry is pretty dumb when you think about it because it doesn't change anything. Also, everything I worry about losing, I could really lose. Friends, family, grades, respect, money, fun, comfort, health, etc. None of those things are stable. No wonder we worry about them. The hard part is realizing that if I lost all those things, I would still have Christ and I would be okay. THAT IS HARD.

Heaven, as much as I don't want to die right now, I am looking forward to you.

HEY

This is an accurate representation of me. The new me. The college me. JUST KIDDINGGGGGG :)


p.s. shout out to Stephen Smith who I am talking on the phone with. His internet is BROKE.

gah

I'm sitting in the lobby of my dorm talking to people. It is pretty fun. The weather is fantasticcc today, but kinda hot... dinner and gleeee tonight at elizabeth's casa :)

bugs.

So Lauren has seen TWO silverfish in our room. Well she says unidentifiable bugs, but they are silverfish. The first time she was very scared, but now that she saw the second one... WE HAVE AN INFESTATION! I read about silverfish and it said that the best thing was to find the nest (where there could be 30 more!). She screamed bloody murder and jumped out of our room. Then she researched bugs for a good 30 minutes, and is determined to make her own homemade bottle of bug killer spray (half warm water/half dish washing detergent) and move all our furniture and vacuum every day. She may be a little paranoid... :) 

Love you Lauren! 

things i have learned from college so far

These are just a few things I have learned from my two weeks in college. For the sake of the sarcasm challenged, all things written in blue are sarcastic :)

• If it is the weekend, it is ok to wear your longish shirt without any pants.
• If you smoke it is best to blow your smoke all over other people.
• If you want a wrapp you must wait in a very long line, but everyone does it cause it's worth it.
• The fact that you want your pizza delivered to a dorm doesn't let Pizza Hut know that you get the college student discount.
• Really it is fine to party and get completely drunk as long as you don't get caught.
• If you watch a rated R movie that is so raunchy that you have to turn it off less than halfway through and you feel really dirty the best thing to do to make you feel better is have a Taylor Swift dance party at 2 in the morning.
• Walmart and Bojangles are not close together.
• The Appalcart is not a simple and convenient form of transportation.
• Naps are necessary.
• When you go to the gym spandex automatically becomes an attractive and acceptable clothing choice.
• Even normal people join Quidditch teams. (Or people I thought were normal... LAUREN haha)
• It is possible to get to college and not fully understand percents.
• Lion King is a hilarious movie.

Of course I have learned a TON more, and a lot about who God is and how important fellowship with Christians is. I'm saving that for another, more serious post :)

WATER

So I have had lots of headaches lately, and it took me until today to realize that it is probably because I mostly drink Diet Pepsi and I barely ever drink water. HOWEVER, there is a good reason for that.

The good reason is that someone keeps puking in our water fountain. The other day I was taking some pills (Yes, I'm on drugs. No I really am not.) and I put them in my mouth right as I was approaching the water fountain, only to discover it was clogged with nasty gunk which looked very pukey! Then, I just swallowed the pills without water. Which I learned is TERRIBLE. Lauren was like, "OH MY GOSH YOU TOOK THEM WITHOUT WATER!" I said I do it all the time, but apparently one time Lauren took pills without water and burned her esophagus and couldn't eat for a week. Then I started being very scared and quickly drank out of her handy water bottle (pictured below). It was then that I realized what a huge problem our lack of fresh water was...

So last night we went on a search for fresh water. It wasn't hard because all the floors have water fountains. We randomly picked the 5th floor and stole some of their water and put it in Lauren's handy water bottle (pictured below). We made some friends... they were a little.. different. But they were very nice and we played spoons with them, thanked them for the water, and left.

All this to say, I am going to start drinking more water. :)

hahaha

So apparently the whole blogger mobile thing isn't working judging by my last 2 posts...haha

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hodgepodge of collegey facts

Our refrigerator is stocked with grape juice, SunnyD, milk, and leftover pizza. We have ice cream in the freezer, and like 25 cliff bars in a grocery bag. Oh yeah, and some Rice Crispies. We are set. I just realized I have a cut on my head from sitting up to fast and hitting my head on Lauren's bunk. Someone clogged our water fountain. Ok, time to get ready for geology class! Woooh!

So I took this picture the other day.

Today I took this one :)

Today I had 3 classes! All but one! I walked all around and found all of my classes with barely any problems and today and yesterday have been pretty great! 

college

Well, I'm here! It has been a crazy past few days. I feel like it has been years! The first day I was excited but it was crazy. Our room is sooo small but Lauren (my awesome roommate) and I made it all cute. So, my room is pretty homey actually! The showers suck, but its ok. We'll deal. haha

The first few days they just bombarded us with activities and information. I was so exhausted. I texted more than I ever texted in my life and i never knew what I was doing. I felt like I had to meet everyone and also try to hang out with people I already knew. I slept so much. Whenever we had a break I would come and just SLEEP.

Yesterday I went to the Alliance church with, well, everyone from camp that goes here I guess! Just being honest, the service wasn't mind-blowing or anything, but it kinda made me feel at home and I like that. Then we all went to eat Japanese. Who knew I liked Japanese? Well, now ya know! That afternoon and still came back and took a nap. It was necessary!

Then the Aunt Anna, Uncle Brian, Seth, and Joseph came to surprise visit us! We just talked a little, but that also made me feel more at home. After that I had to rush off to an honors welcome dinner. I met some nice, sorta different, but nice people there. We argued with an opera singer about whether Glee was a good show or not. Fun stuff!

After that I came back and I just started crying. I felt overwhelmed. I felt like I had a choice of fitting in here, and losing everyone else that I care about, or sitting in my room all day trying to stay in touch. These past few days I had been texting everyone I've ever known. I'd been stressed about who to hang out with, and trying to not hurt peoples feelings while also doing what I wanted to do.

Thanks to some needed intervention, it was brought to my attention that I was trying to fit four years of college into just a few days. This is not what it is always going to be like. I will visit home. People will visit me. I will get settled. I will find a group. I will learn my way around. I will learn how to live here. It will all be ok. Also, whatever happens, however hard or heartbreaking will be according to God's perfect will. How do people survive without being able to say that?

So, I took a few deep breaths, put on some more makeup, and went to college connection. It was good. I'm pretty positive I will keep going to it. After that we hung out in the connector lobby and watched Date Night and That 70s Show until 1:00. Then I went to bed, then I woke up, now I am here :)




Take a few deep breaths, and remember that God has a perfect plan.    

beauty

perfect love, sunsets/sunrises, stars, clouds, fields, flowers, mountains, oceans, simplicity, big old trees, weeping willows, old books, old houses, thunderstorms, hurricanes, perfect photographs, spiral staircases, horses, horse drawn carriages, Savannah, GA, Italy, spiderwebs, laughter, smiles, joy, humility, passion, attics

hmm

Look, I'm super excited about college! Well, it hasn't completely sunk in that I'm really leaving for good. It is gonna be super fun though :)

I turned my New Life Camp name tag in this summer. I have never turned that thing in because I always needed it during the year too! I got my name tag in my sophomore year I think because I helped out with YRAP. Then I also sort of used it for upward. It's not that I love wearing that thing; it's that it is a sold reminder of how I am leaving. I started thinking about upward too. I have done upward at New Life Camp since 5th grade! There has been no New Life Camp upward without me since 2002/03. I will miss that place, but I will definitely visit. I promised some kids on my Kindergarten team that I would!

This post is not very good, but I will post it anyway! haha

summer

Isaiah 54

 ¹ "Sing, O barren woman, 
       you who never bore a child; 
       burst into song, shout for joy, 
       you who were never in labor; 
       because more are the children of the desolate woman 
       than of her who has a husband," 
       says the LORD.

 ² "Enlarge the place of your tent,
       stretch your tent curtains wide,
       do not hold back;
       lengthen your cords,
       strengthen your stakes.

 ³ For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
       your descendants will dispossess nations
       and settle in their desolate cities.

 ⁴ "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.
       Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
       You will forget the shame of your youth
       and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.

 ⁵ For your Maker is your husband—
       the LORD Almighty is his name—
       the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
       he is called the God of all the earth.

 ⁶ The LORD will call you back
       as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
       a wife who married young,
       only to be rejected," says your God.

 ⁷ "For a brief moment I abandoned you,
       but with deep compassion I will bring you back.

 ⁸ In a surge of anger
       I hid my face from you for a moment,
       but with everlasting kindness
       I will have compassion on you,"
       says the LORD your Redeemer.

 ⁹ "To me this is like the days of Noah,
       when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
       So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
       never to rebuke you again.

 ¹⁰ Though the mountains be shaken
       and the hills be removed,
       yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
       nor my covenant of peace be removed,"
       says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

 ¹¹ "O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
       I will build you with stones of turquoise, ^[a]
       your foundations with sapphires. ^[b]

 ¹² I will make your battlements of rubies,
       your gates of sparkling jewels,
       and all your walls of precious stones.

 ¹³ All your sons will be taught by the LORD,
       and great will be your children's peace.

 ¹⁴ In righteousness you will be established:
       Tyranny will be far from you;
       you will have nothing to fear.
       Terror will be far removed;
       it will not come near you.

 ¹⁵ If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
       whoever attacks you will surrender to you.

 ¹⁶ "See, it is I who created the blacksmith
       who fans the coals into flame
       and forges a weapon fit for its work.
       And it is I who have created the destroyer to work havoc;

 ¹⁷ no weapon forged against you will prevail,
       and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
       This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,
       and this is their vindication from me,"
       declares the LORD.

oh gosh

Oh my gosh. This summer is flying by. When this summer is over I am going to college. That is super exciting. That is super scary. I don't even know what my life will look like.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”
                                 Philippians 4:6-7

Sometimes the world has really good ideas. Especially when it comes to college. For instance, the honors program lady told me that it was a really bad idea for me not to live in the honors dorm because I wouldn't be surrounded by people who wanted to be diligent like me. She told me I would probably fail. Well, I have a very good reason for choosing not to live there. God worked out a perfect roommate situation, and I feel way more comfortable living with her instead of living with a bunch of geniuses in East Hall. The honors lady had great advice. It was based on many studies.

I am a very logical person. I really want to base my life on logic. Logic just makes sense. Lately, I'm realizing that God doesn't necessarily call us to be logical. He calls us to be faithful. This is really scary to me because I can't decide if I'm being stupid or faithful. God did give us common sense for a reason, but God also told Noah to build a giant boat.

It may sound like I'm on my way to having a radical faith, but could I just be trying to justify my stupid actions? When I get hurt maybe I'll realize that it wasn't my faith, but my stupidity. Right now I don't know what God wants me to do. I really don't. Logic has a solid answer, but does God want me to be logical?

Maybe I just don't want to be logical about this, because then I'll know I'm stupid. But what does God want?

to be added to...

Sometimes songs completely describe exactly how you feel. Sometimes I wonder if I write songs in my sleep and people come steal them. Then I remember that I can't write songs, so I guess other people just feel the same as me...Also, sometimes Itunes plays the perfect song when it is on shuffle. That is also scary.

So I'm sitting here on my porch, and I am very sweaty. My co-counselor/sandwich delivery woman is doing who-knows-what all around camp. I am running circles around my porch. Well, I was. I ran for a while, then I did 50 situps. Then I did 65 lunges (which are harder than you think!) Then I ran some more and did a 2 minute wall sit. I am getting quite the workout! I'm not sure what is motivating me, but hey, whatever it is, I hope it keeps on motivating!

Today I swam in the New Life Camp pool. That pool is such a blessing. We prayed for that thing so hard! God is good. It is super awesome. I got a little burned, but it was worth it, and maybe it'll turn into tan? We shall see!

I realized a huge problem. I am a server person. I am a Martha. Yes, I work at camp, and yes, I believe that God wants me here to serve Him. The problem is that I am getting so caught up in all the work and all my jobs and making sure I have just enough time to do them all so that I can hang out with people I want to hang out with later. I am not being selfish about my relationship with Christ, and it is hurting me. In my actions I see myself as a good person who is helping God. I am helping God? Am I crazy? Yeah, probably. Every BREATH I take is from Him...

Toooo the dining hall :)

deflecting the blame

Oh, Adam and Eve, you really blew it.


(Don't you wish we could blame it all on them?)

oh brother..

So today during ultimate elimination, this TobyMac song started playing. Here are the lyrics. I hope they make you laugh! Oh, I changed the color on some of my "favorite" lines :)

Rock, rock 

Give me that rock 

That hip, that rock 

Give me that funky 

Yo stick it in red 

We got the cred 

No need to say what's already been said 

Don't need to please 

When we got the proof 

We be on our knees 

When we raise the roof 

'Cause we got the 

Wow pow mix of flavor 

We got the funky Jesus blazer 

No equal 

Diverse people 

Come get it now 

Won't be a sequel 

None of that mumbo jumbo 

Give me that hip hop funk soul 

Give me that funky Jesus music 

Give me that soulful gumbo 

Give me that funky 

Funky Jesus Music 

Give me that hip, that rock, that funky soul 

Give me that juicy flow 

Give me that funky 

Funky Jesus Music 

Give me that hip, that rock, that funky soul 

And watch this party grow 

Let's go 

Look at them freaks, they fashion loud 

Makin' that hotness, movin' that crowd 

Bumpin' that jump with a life injection 

Sweet to the ears like the candy section 

Hits to the eyes 

Feels so fly 

Fashion that just won't subside 

We got this winner's ball 

So check it out 

Gonna' watch 'em fall 

We're goin' back 

We're goin' way back 

From coast to coast 

This is the most 

We got beats and rhymes 

And aftershows 

We got funky people on the highs and lows 

MC's like Wiggy they call us pros 

So, sure shot, I could take stock 

of this 

I'll play the post in the b-boy bliss 

See, we bum rush with no discussion 

A red hot show with freak production