gray

I honestly understand where the misconception that there is not absolute truth came to be. Two opposing ideas can both be backed up with examples and a logical train of thought. It is so much easier to be agnostic. That way your beliefs can change without you ever having to be "wrong". Also, it is very confusing to try to figure out the black and white of everything. Our human nature clouds the black and white, so it is easier to think in shades of gray. The good things is that we aren't expected to know everything. Our job is not to always be right. Our job is to seek the truth and realize that it is only found in Jesus.

Right now the right thing for me to do is homework :/

This is going to be a very honest blog post. I have been struggling lately. I am so overwhelmed with the intense consequences of my actions these days. Let me give my most recent example:

During my senior year I got really excited about college. I was ready for something different and a new start. One big reason that I chose Appalachian was because it was an adventure. I wanted something new. Maybe I was tricking myself or something because it wasn't until about a month before I left that it all hit me. I was sitting in my room and I just started to cry. I realized that going to college meant leaving my family, my home, my friends, and a place where I was very, very happy. I didn't tell anyone about that time. As college came nearer I was still very excited even though I had a hint of sadness. I didn't cry about it again until I got here. When my mom asked me if I was coming home for labor day I told her I didn't want to commit yet because I didn't know what I would be doing. I thought it sounded lame to come home from college, "the best time of your life". The first few weeks/ months of college were truly awful. My dorm is a jail cell, the bathrooms and shower are disgusting, and the stress of being on my own made me take 3 hour naps every day. Also, I was so bored. I didn't have anything to do and I barely knew anyone. I wanted to go home so bad, and I felt guilty for it. I felt like I had let everyone down by not being the flexible, happy, and friendly person I was expected to be. I ended up coming home about once a month. All of these times were for specific reasons, not necessarily huge reasons, but just little things. Honestly I found that there is not much to do on the weekends here unless you party or have a lot of homework. However, by the end of last semester I started actually liking it here. I began to feel like I fit in here and have friends here. I like Boone, but I still couldn't wait for Christmas break. This semester I really feel like I belong here. The first to weeks have already been pretty busy and I have rarely felt bored. Last weekend I came home because I needed my camera. I decided to choose between coming home last weekend and coming home next weekend to help with the lockin, and I chose last weekend because I needed my camera! I already felt slightly guilty because I just got here and then I went home. I feel like coming home is seen as a sign weakness. Then I was asked to work the lockin because they are now in desperate need of girls. I can't say that the only reason I would help is because I am a self sacrificing person who will help in any way possible. I have to admit that I think it will be fun, and honestly I have nothing going on that weekend and I don't feel like I will be missing out on anything here. For example, if it was the weekend of the IV retreat or if I had plans I wouldn't help, but I have nothing to do. What should I do??? Ahhh. College students are supposed to party and not want to go home, so am I a failure?

i think too much. kill me now.

My Countdown

I love second semesters so much. For one thing, now I don't look like an idiot wandering around trying to pretend like I understand where I am going (as often). Also, during the first semester, Christmas is the thing to look forward to. In the second semester summer is the thing to look forward to, and summer always comes so quickly after Christmas! The second semester can get long while you are in it though, and so I have to come up with a way to not sit around wait for summer:

February: boring
March: Spring Break
April: My birthday
May: End of school and camp!!

See! It's not so far away :) I just need to make February exciting..

summer :)

I do like Boone. I like Appalachian. I like snow. I even like most of my classes this semester, but what I prefer is this:

time

Time is a very annoying thing to me. When I am at home I don't realize it as much, but in Boone time becomes my life. Sometimes I have too little time and I am scrambling to get places on time without forgetting something important. Sometimes I have too much time and I try to do my every day tasks as slowly as possible. Having too much time seems like a good thing, but it really makes you feel purposeless when you are walking as slow and as far out of your way as possible so that you wont be too early to class. In both cases my mind is stuck on being efficient in the time that I have. I am either trying to figure out the fastest or the slowest ways to do things. I hope some day I will be able to manage my time without thinking about it so very often! I am looking forward to the day when time does not affect me and I have an infinite amount, but I will never be bored! :)

welp.

I am about to head back to Boone. I must admit that I am pretty sad. It's not that I don't like it there, I do miss it a tad, and I am pretty excited about some of my classes this semester. I just want to stay here where things are easier! No school, no claustrophobia, showers that clean me and don't scald me, a car that I can use, Target, no snow, family, and friends that are like family. But, here I go!

my puppy :)

you don't just make up issues in your head.

A feeling is not a fact, but it is there for a reason. Something makes you feel it, and sometimes a feeling is more important than a fact.